Four Seasons: The Marriage Weather Report

Mum always said that you need to test any partner through all the seasons, especially when you’re as grumpy as I am in winter, and come alive and slightly more engaging in the summer rays. (Cue the regular jab from Hubby that skin cancer will probably be the thing that sends me on my merry way, since I’m a complete sun worshipper). Honestly, if I’d met my husband in November in Boston, we wouldn’t be celebrating 18 years of marriage. The six months of snow (I’m exaggerating here, but it’s my story!) would have unleashed a Gollum-level monster with zero charm and 100% bad vibes. Trust me, no one wants to marry that mess, let alone hug it! Luckily for me (and for him), we met in sunny California in January. Turns out, the key to a lasting relationship isn’t the meet-cute or the big gestures, it’s how you both manage the inevitable mood swings, and whether you can still laugh when it’s minus ten, the heating’s broken, and you’re both huddled under a mound of blankets. Can you? Well, the jury’s still out...🙄

Where is all this coming from?

Well, I just finished watching Four Seasons on Netflix, a show that drops you into the middle of various marriages and friendships to showcase just how… weather dependent these relationships can be.

The show isn’t just about couples, it’s about us. Our marriages, our partnerships, friendships and all those “how the heck did we get here?” moments. While watching it, I couldn’t help but think of my own mid-marriage adventures. You know the middle, the bit that happens after the "I do" and well before the "I can't even." It’s where you’re past the wedding day fireworks and before the golden anniversary "we survived each other and still love each other" champagne.

In the middle, you’re a bit like a croissant: flaky in places, layered, sometimes delicious and fresh and occasionally over/under-baked. You’ve got teenage kids who leave dirty clothes on the floor, smell awful, eye roll at every opportunity, and a partner whose idea of romance is showing you a meme on their phone while they’re on the loo (that’s me Hubby, not you! 😘). This is also where the health alarms start ringing: cancer scares, overnight appearances of strange moles and hairs, body changes that feel like a teenage growth spurt in reverse, hair thinning out, wrinkles claiming new territory, and let’s not even mention menopause (except I just did).

Four Seasons makes you realize that marriages don’t just fall apart over one big fight. No, they unravel with tiny threads of “Oh my god, did you just mansplain quinoa to me?” or “How many times do I have to remind you to empty the dishwasher when it's done?” The show is like a cautionary tale and a gentle hug at the same time. It whispers, You’re not alone. Everyone’s a bit of a mess. Keep showing up.

Here are a few M.A.M-style lessons I learned while in the 'cuddle zone' watching this show:

1. Communication is key, but so is a secret stash of chocolate—for when you need to retreat and reflect and come back with a calmer frame of mind, and not as a raging lunatic. Also, communicating via funny Instagram videos totally counts especially if they are from The Holderness Family (my favorites!)

2. The middle of a marriage is like the middle of the night—everything feels bigger, scarier, and harder to fix, but give it until morning and things don’t seem quite so dramatic. Mostly.

3. Learn to laugh at yourselves—if you can’t laugh about your partner’s DuoLingo session in the bathroom before bed, or his nightly taping-of-the-mouth routine to stop snoring, or her inability to park in a straight line, or pick ripe avocados at the store, or her disastrous skills in the kitchen, or her refusal to take the compost out, then you’re in for a long road.

4. Keep some mystery and spontaneity alive —surprise trips to your favorite getaway spots or favorite local hikes, silly handwritten notes (or a pink hippo in our case!) into their work bag, heartfelt cards on birthdays and anniversaries, or unexpected little gifts, like their favorite chocolate or a funny mug (me), or a fishing accessory (Hubby), that say, “I see you working hard over there, doing all the things, and I love you for it.”

5. Mid-marriage is basically a masterclass in patience, forgiveness, and sharing the secret chocolate stash—because love is knowing their flaws-quirks-ticks and sticking around anyway (and secretly eating the last of the ice cream sandwiches, ahem!).

So to anyone out there riding the “middle” wave of marriage, know this: you’re not alone. It’s not all romantic walks at sunset, but it’s not a total shipwreck either. Sometimes it’s just about holding on, laughing through the storms, finding a way back to each other, and learning to see the wrinkles and lines as badges of honor from the chaos of life. Keeping your sense of humor is non-negotiable, as is investing time into those old friendships, the ones who’ve seen you through all the messy stages and remind you of who you were before you became part of this marriage plot line.

There is a moment towards the end of the show when Tina Fey's character falls through the ice on the lake, and her husband pulls her out, saying "trust me," and they roll across the frozen lake like a pair of giddy kids on a snow day, arms and legs flailing, yet somehow making it to safety. That one moment reset them. It’s all about trusting each other to be there, whether it's pulling you out of the icy water, not rubbing your nose in it when you scratch up the car hitting a pylon 🙄, or giving you a ride home after a colonoscopy. The smallest act can act like a reset button.

Finally, and this is an important one, don't forget that you never know when your time is up. Poor Steve Carell’s character bites the dust after a gluten-free shop at the store, a deadly car crash (spoiler...sorry!), reminiscent of his demise in The Morning Show… coincidence? I think not! Do I watch too much TV? Absolutely, YES!

Who else has watched Four Seasons and thought, “Oh no, that’s us?” Or better yet, what’s your best ‘middle of the marriage’ survival tip? Drop it below, I’ll be taking notes (and finishing off the remainder of the Easter chocolate).

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