The Royals, Mum, and the Great Meghan Markle Divide 🇬🇧👑🇺🇸
By the Numbers:
1,428 hours – Estimated time Mum spent watching Royal Family conspiracy videos on YouTube.
3,276 – Number of Hello! magazine covers she read (and judged) in her lifetime.
1 highly suspicious – The number of times I almost called an intervention after seeing her Daily Mail browsing history.
10/10 – The likelihood that a Royal’s hair looks professionally styled even when stepping out for a "casual" dog walk.
My amazing mum was obsessed with the Royal Family. And I don’t say that lightly—this woman lived for every scandal, wedding, and hat choice.
I remember being on holiday in Florida when Diana and Charles got married, and she got us all up at some ungodly hour to watch it live. The house was fully decked out...flags, commemorative plates, and mugs with their faces staring back at us like creepy wedding guests. A moment in history, darling! You’ll thank me one day!
Spoiler: I do not thank her.
For decades, the Royals were the topic of conversation. She read every single Hello! magazine cover to cover, offering a running commentary on what was true and what was absolute nonsense. And don't even get me started on her obsession with The Daily Mail—because, obviously, everything in there was FACT. She knew all the gossip before the tabloids even printed it. No phone call was complete without:
"Darling, did you know [insert outlandish conspiracy theory here]?"
Which brings us to Meghan Markle.
Mum was not having it. To be fair, most Brits weren’t. Meanwhile, over in America? Team Meghan all the way. The divide is astonishing. In the UK, she’s the villain. In the US, she’s practically a saint—people applauded her for fleeing The Firm to lead her own life with the man she loves. Mum was so passionate about her animosity toward Meghan that it even made it into her Eulogy. She held an unexplainable grudge as if Meghan, with her glossy hair and perfect teeth, had personally offended her in some way. The Queen? Untouchable. Meghan? Unforgivable.
Now (like my darling Mama), I have thoughts.
Did Meghan personally rip Harry away from his family like some Disney villain? I doubt it.
Did she have a fairy tale idea of what marrying into royalty would be like? Possible.
Did she take one look at that institution and think “Nope.” ? Highly likely.
Do I blame her for that? Not one bit.
Seriously, who wants that level of scrutiny? Imagine having your every move analyzed—what you wear, how you smile, the way you hold your husband’s hand. I panic when I send a poorly worded email to Reply-All by mistake, let alone have the entire world dissect my facial expressions on a daily basis.
And then there’s the fashion. You must never, under any circumstances, leave the house unless you look like you’re about to be photographed for the cover of Hello! magazine. A wrinkle? A stray grey hair? SHAME! And don’t even think about popping into Starbucks on a Sunday morning in leggings and an old hoodie—what would the Daily Mail say?!
And God forbid your toddler has a public meltdown—oh no, darling, that simply does not happen. Royal children glide through life in smocked dresses and tiny tailored shorts, smiling angelically while clutching their mother’s perfectly manicured hand. Meanwhile, the rest of us are out here negotiating with a three-year-old over a half-eaten cereal bar while sporting coffee stains on our crumpled shirts.
After Mum passed away, I inherited her iPad, and let’s just say when I checked her browsing history and YouTube algorithm, I realized I should have intervened sooner, I am talking YEARS sooner!
The rabbit holes were deep. Entire forums dedicated to decoding Meghan’s body language, hours of YouTube clips with titles like “Proof Meghan is controlling Harry” or “THE MOMENT THE QUEEN KNEW!”
Mum, darling, what were you watching?!
We are entering a new era, and maybe—just maybe—it’s time to stop putting the Royal Family on a pedestal. They are humans, just like the rest of us. Some days they have good hair, some days they probably wake up looking like they wrestled a lion in their sleep. I bet even the Future King of England has had to bribe his kids to eat their broccoli. Maybe they don’t always agree with their spouses—gasp!—but that doesn’t mean they’re headed straight for Divorce Court (cue the Scandal and Tabloid Bloodbath!). And let’s be honest with ourselves, shall we? If we all had cameras following us 24/7, we’d probably get caught in unflattering angles too. They likely stress about what’s for dinner, forget passwords, and yes, they probably even fart. 😱
At the end of the day, why can’t we just leave them alone?
Harry and Meghan left. They did a Netflix thing. They gave a very awkward Oprah interview. It’s done. We’ve got bigger problems now.
And yet, every time there’s a new Royal event, the debate rages on.
Will Harry show up?
Will Meghan breathe in the direction of Buckingham Palace?
Will the children be present, and if so, what will they be wearing?
Will William and Kate’s side-eye be visible from space?
Mum would have loved it. She’d be glued to the screen, muttering “I always knew she was trouble” while simultaneously analyzing Kate’s latest coat, dress and perfect shoes.
As for me? I just wish she’d put that same investigative energy into figuring out why her WiFi never worked in the room she was in, where the TV remote was hiding, or what mysterious force caused her to believe 6AM was a perfectly reasonable time to call California.
Lessons Learned:
The British press really needs a new hobby.
The American press really needs to stop romanticizing Meghan like she’s a Disney princess.
My mother could have single-handedly run MI5 with her Royal Family research skills.
No matter where you stand, we should probably all just let Harry and Meghan live their lives.
Mum, if you’re listening (which I believe you are)—I love you, but I’m sending your YouTube algorithm to the media trenches to die a quick death.
💜💜💜💜
Im an Aussie and my grandparents had pictures of the royals up in their home….wait!!! I just realized they didn’t have any photos of ME or any of the grandkids up in their home! WTF
This was hilarious. And in the true confessions department, I followed the queen's account just to see her ensembles--topped of with those hats! Ok, so now the cat is out......the younger generation does not mesmerize me I'm afraid.